au contraire

That moment when you write about something, and three hours later, that entire emotion is reversed. Yup. 
Nope. 
Done. 

The night sky

Last time I sat under the stars was 5 weeks ago,
Where I just sat 
And thought of all that happened; 
Of the simple pleasures of putting my feet up, 
of being taken care of, 
of being at complete ease. 

You see - the stars? - they remind you of distance, 
Of galaxies far far away
Each one representing a life that could've been, 
A life that should've been, 
A life that you chose not to be in. 

So you stare up, and you wonder,
And the stars wander the loops of thoughts with you - 
Each twinkle a light of reminiscence, 
Each cloud a foggy memory of the past,
and every single sound
A reminder of something that had once happened; 
both so close that you feel like you just have to reach out with your hands and grasp at the invisible straws, 
but deep down you know- 
You know that the chilly air grazing against your palm will bring no warmth to the dusky corners of your heart.

It has been 5 weeks since I sat and stared at the stars. 
See, I can breathe more easy now- so i run out into the darkness less. 
And every time I am reminded of the cold nights I stay comforted under the covers;
I think instead of the beauty that arrives when the moon promises to illuminate the way. 
And I think about that round bright entity - freckles and all  - 
Sometimes hiding half its face, 
but always reminding you that nothing is where they seem to be. 

Because it is the epitome of juxtapositions, 
Reminding you forever that every single star out there, is so much further than it looks,
that reaching for it would be in vain; 
so you stay on Earth, 
enjoying the simple pleasures of the pouring rain. 

But OH! 
How beautiful the moon is, 
And so elusive and attainable all at once!
People used to think that the moon was made of cheese, 
and do you blame them? 
I mean, think of all that pizza! 
If that isn't the dream, I don't know what is. 

But I realised, 
I realised why I don't yearn for freedom anymore. 
Is it really freedom if all the wandering is trapping your soul in a constant state of chaos? 
Where you cannot figure out which one is near, and which one is far, 
and all the stars seem to do is twinkle in and out of sightl 
And you try. oh how you try to keep your eyes open,
Staring ceaselessly at the idea of light, 
Unwavering, unblinking, 
Oblivious to the tears welling at the corners, trickling down your cheeks.
And instead all you do is lose focus of the grass under your feet; 
and the moon- 
the beautiful beautiful moon....

The last time I went to look at the stars, 
the moon stole my attention.
It's hard to miss something that gravitates round and round the Earth. 
Incessant in its movements, 
confident in its direction,
resolved on its purpose.

I don't think the moon gets enough credit. 
It is so much easier to burn up and scorch everything in your path;
It is self destruction at its finest. 
But how much more does it take, 
to smile down- 
Knowing you are not what the lovers stare at in their rendezvous,
Or what the astronomers dedicate their life studying,  
But you reflect only the beauty of the burn; making it pleasant. 
You choose to hint at hope when the night is dark, 
and brighten the path of that overworked girl, clutching at her purse; 
determined to reach the safety of her home. 

I bet the moon smiles down though. 
See, children- in all their innocence - know better.
They don't chase after the stars from the backseat window.
They always mentally run after the moon, 
even if their eyes are protesting from staying open way past their bedtime. 
And you indulge them; 
playing peekaboo as much as they want to. 

5 weeks in, 
I still have not been tempted to run for the hills in search of the stars. 
I found the moon. 
And when the moon peeks through my bedroom window, 
it feels like it found me too. 
What kills me is knowing that new moon is coming, 
and that I'll still leave the blinds open; hopeful. 

Paint with all the colours of the wind (:

Well, it's been long.

And really, I don't think the title makes sense either. Just put up there because my brain is refusing to work, and that was the last song that was playing on my playlist. I miss those moments when I didn't know what the heck Disney songs were talking about and just sang along like a toad.

Now, it's just : *singing.....* *omg, that's so deep* *cue goosebumps* *speechless*. Till you get over the initial phase of course. Then, it is goodbye, quiet moments, HELLO, grinding stainless steel knives in the blender. You get the image. :)

Missing a lot of people  stuff and hence just ranting up here, because it's quiet and everything. Plus, gives me an excuse to postpone studying for my quiz. I seriously have got to stop being lazy.

But there's Modern Family, and then I'm hungry, and then more Modern Family, and then I look through my photos (because my current profile picture is of a donkey), and then I find awesome photos of my friends, then I start messaging them and then I lose track of time. :S

Can't decide whether I'm happy or sad about losing track of time, really.

Gosh, I can hear my neurons committing suicide as I'm typing this post, so I'm gonna stop now, because I kinda sorta need them for my quiz, and they currently would rather not exist than go through this ordeal.

I promise, right after the quiz and the EH assignment being handed in, I'll get a post through that weekend. And none of this jibber-jabber crap.

Happiness in the rhythm of a country song (:

~ They say that time takes it's toll on a body, 

Makes the young girl's brown hair turn grey ~

That song made me start blogging for the year. For those who are unfamiliar with how this works, basically something makes me start blogging, and naturally because writing is addictive, there is a spam of posts in that particular time period, and then I go AWOL for as long as I can remember. 

So disclaimer, apologies for all the frustration of both trying to keep up and of waiting. (A little like Sherlock, dontcha think?) {And that was inspired by the Messiah Complex-Russell Brand. If you have not watched it, you really have to. No kidding. The juxtaposition is mindblowing and downright absurd, but it's food for thought, because obviously that's what Brand almost always aims for. (: }

"In the coat of many colours, my Mama made for me" (: 

And with that I started thinking of what made me smile in a day. or maybe just this day? on a philosophical tone, what is happiness? 

Happiness is letting your hair down after a long, long day. Happiness is getting out of your jeans and into comfy shorts ready for bed. Happiness is staying up late doing things you have to do because at that point in time, it matters, and it is a favor for someone. Happiness is dancing along in the dark to random beats while doing that said particular work. And happiness is having a cup of coffee within reach so that you never run out of energy and as a result feel too lazy to hate the work you've done in the following morning. 

Happiness is knowing that  you'll be messaging that one person you never fail to communicate with in any day. Happiness is getting in touch with a friend you haven't spoken to in a long time, even if it s a result of a cliched and cheesy Facebook prank. Happiness is finding out that your friends are happy with their significant other. And happiness is a part of that confusing feeling you get when your friend turns to you in times of trouble with their significant other, and you're sad because you really want them to be happy, and you're anxious because you wanna do the right thing, you're lost because their feeling naturally echoes through you; and to confound you even further, you're ALSO glad that you can help when they need someone, and that's when that really confusing feeling of happiness comes in. Just a tad bit in the whole plethora of emotions. Because you know that sometime, somewhere in your life, you did something right, that allowed you to be a good friend. 

Happiness is sleeping in after a fruitful, sleepless night. Happiness is sleeping in knowing that someone'll wake you up, so who wants that alarm anyway? Happiness is waking up to a steaming cup of coffee. Happiness is when your mother makes a second cup of coffee because she knows you want one. Telepathy at its best. Happiness is pausing life for a couple of minutes in contemplation and total silence before rushing out to the next place for the next thing to be done. And happiness is when you at least get to drive there to get it done. 

Happiness is finally having control of the wheel. Happiness is when you get to choose the tracks, and they miraculously coincide with your emotions in perfect sync. Happiness is when you have to pause the player, because there is something worth talking about. Happiness is having wonderful people who are fun passengers that you wanna talk to. Happiness is no traffic jams. Happiness is no traffic cameras.

And happiness is having a ridiculous variety of things to do, and yet being able to blog because you damn well please, and you have the conviction that you'll get everything you need done, done anyway. 
Happiness is when you're swamped with all of that in a day.

~ But honey, I don't care, I'm in not in love with your hair,

And if it all fell out, well, I'd love you anyway ~

But we need bridges.

Life is fragile. Love is fragile, but above them all; humans are the most fragile. Because we try too hard to think and feel, and make sense of the chaos that surrounds us. And the fact is, nothing did, nothing does, and nothing ever will... 

Just a musing. Because certain things can't be said out loud. Not here...

But we know strength in the face of weakness, and we know purpose when we are the most vulnerable; so maybe being all this fragile is a good thing. Maybe fragility is why we belong in this world as a unit; also why we are so scared to build bridges instead of walls.

Today, tomorrow, or forever?

...

If you want a happy ending, it depends on where you stop the story

...

Talk about our future, like we had a clue... (:

~~~When a new moon shines through your window, and you hear a sad song through the radio.. 

Today I decided to Italicize the entire post, because let's all face it; life's a lot like that. More often than not, we have to tilt our head, gain a new perspective, before starting to choose one out of the morass of paths leading out. 

The simple life looks, the more complicated it seems to be. But to look at it from another angle, there is no such thing as complications, just fun, laughter, happiness, tears and everything else. Independent of each other. Interlinked, maybe, but independent. How is that even possible, you may wonder. Well, this post here, is not to give you the answers. This post is here just to say, to muse, that yes indeed, you are probably not the only one wondering. A lot of people are. 

P.S. Everything that I wanted to write, everything I did type, and everything I don't feel like publishing today; these things will be up tomorrow. Because that's where all our hopes lie. In tomorrows (: 

~ Tell someone you love them today, because life is short. But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing (9gag) ~