Glosses on glasses...

and said Barney Stinson :
~ let me teach you how to live ~

Today we were to write down our goals, coz apparently with goals, we know what we want, and then we'll know how we are to get there, and only then will we be getting there... yada yada yada....
not that i have a problem with the system, i mean, it makes perfect sense and everything.
but if it were true : wait for it.... i'm like the underachiever of the century

goals goals goals... not only was our teacher making fun out of setting up goal posts, my brain resembled it to. it looked like it had perfect frame, but it was substantiated by net. so anything as fluid as thoughts flowed right throughout. even the most viscous ones.... because i realised my goal, was pretty simple.
let's try and make it simpler by breaking my life into two parts; the dream state (which honestly, i spend about 17 hours a day in, but for simplicity's sake, lets only count the time when i'm actually sleeping) and the waking state.

Dream state : If I wake up on the day, and despite nightmares or airport dreams, i smile, there you go, goal achieved.

Waking state : If i can go to sleep at night, but right before that splash of water onto the face and the capping of the toothpaste tub, if i can smile and mean it, en voila.

Why can't everything be this simple? and why is this not goal enough for the school? is being mediocre really that bad? everyone's completely blissful when being mediocre, really. it's just that the difference comes in when different ppl have different level of mediocrity, and yet, we are expected to equalise the playing field. WHY? I mean, don't get me wrong and everything, i think it's wonderful that ppl push themselves, it's wonderful that there are millions of awesome ppl out there... but someone just yesterday told me, and then made me feel stupid, coz well, it's like the most obvious things out there : there's like 7 billion ppl out there. whatever you end up doing, chances are, someone somewhere have already done it, is currently doing it, or will do it soon. It's that simple.

So why the yardstick? proposed by someone (probably a really smart someone too) that humans need something to spur them into action. without that subconscious knocking against the glass door, ready to break it into shards small enough to pass through vessels and still leave it unscathed, without someone holding a hammer and liquid nitrogen with a sinister smile on their face, or without that dog on the other side really wanting to take a walk, we are settled. and unperturbed. and going to do nothing about it. LITERALLY NOTHING (i'm begging you, please don't take into account that breathing and stupid vital stuffs that don't help me prove my point, :P )

*pauses*
wait, what's my point again?

Okay, i don't know. but that's besides the point.
so follow this :

1) smile
2) grin, dude
3) oh, show your freakin teeth already, what you haven't brushed in eons or something?
4) now make a retarded face
5) laugh, loudly
6) do exactly what you want to do
7) understand that being responsible is not equal to being serious :))
8) please get back to work so that your bosses or teachers don't come running after me ;)


and that's it!!! step by step guide to..... earning weird stares from everyone around you....
if you didn't, either you're alone (are we ever, really?) or get the heck outta wherever you are, coz the ppl around YOU are creeping ME out ...

bottom-line : smile, be happy, be blissful, and please dear god, get some sleep :))

P.P.S. hugs to the girl (kinda scared she'll kill me if i mention her name....hehe) who's one of the most optimistic person i've met here <3

~seriousness is giving unnecessary importance to something, at the cost of everything else~

in the end....

It's all good in life at the end of it all?
and you know why? because we say so. because we have faith that it is so. and because, even when it isn't, there's this tiny sliver of hope, that says, maybe it will be all the more better the next day.

optimism is a beautiful and apparently now rare thing... :
it should not be rare.... coz it's the only thing that torches the dying flame in our heart, when the aortic pump is running out of fuel...
the only thing that provides o2 to our brain, not because it can, but because we think it can
and it is the ONLY thing... that keeps the universe from collapsing upon itself, to reform the blackhole that was once present,
before optimism met pessimism and said, hey, wth,i'm gonna kick you in the ass, and be done with it.

let's keep the same spirits up :))
now more than ever.

The grey areas of a whiteboard...

I should get like one of those really hip, totally huge white boards
then hang it like beside my bed... with like this holder that holds on to like 6 different coloured markers, and probably dozens of magnets to stick papers and stuff for the fun of it
i mean, i don't have those boards that you can pin things on, which, btw, serves only one purpose, this will like serve a million and one purposes. For the price of one.

Of course, maybe it seems absurd for a student to want that kind of board, especially in an age where we're supposed to blatantly hate studying and basically any form of education (okay, maybe i'm stereotyping, but if you can point out like one student who never had the urge to throw all the books away and have fun, i'll probably be able to point out a star that's closer to earth than the sun) I mean, even sheldon in all his almightyness, had halo nights, countless hours manipulating Mario and planning the doom of Leonard-Penny relationships. but let's see :

House has a board
Castle has a board
Sheldon has a board
Leonard has a board
Gideon had a board
Tony had McGee's face to write all over
Brennan had Angela and all her technology
Gibbs, well Gibbs had a boat ( but that pretty much rhymes with board - if you're tone-deaf - and he's too awesome anyway )

SO why not me?
Idiosyncrasies and swooning over what can never be aside, a board seems like a really good idea for countless reasons.... It helps you pen down literally all your thoughts no matter what time it is, and once you're used to writing in the dark - and it's not like anyone's gonna complain about your handwriting since technically it's ALL YOURS - even your dreams and nightmares. There almost never will be a time when you'll have to stoop to the norm and say "you know, i thought about it a while ago, but i totally forgot what it is that i'm thinking about"

Besides, sometimes you need some chaos before order is an option, you know. if there's only order, that would be a chaotic one, and we all know what happens when complete chaos set in. Let's just say, nothing good. SO maybe, just maybe, multicoloured scribbles on the whiteboard that's so huge it may just be a wall with the addition of papers stuck everywhere on it, would be..... aesthetically pleasing.

And then there's the obvious reason : to provide a long-lasting marathon of the imagination. My first idea was actually to hang a long clothesline across the room before clipping different papers of different size on it, but imagine walking to a toilet in the dark. With that. Across the room. Thin and razor sharp. Makes saw look like a kiddy playground. Hmmm... that's an idea, but not a very good one. Coz it affects ppl. Me. and I am vital. to me. okay. not. making. sense. but. have. ideas. for. NEW nightmares.

But then, who ever uses it for what they say they are gonna use it for right?
So maybe it will just be another excuse for me to procrastinate, doodle non-stop, and in some way or other let art down in more ways than one.

But what the heck, i still wanna have it. always wanted one. never figured why, it was like this childhood obsession, then i got a small board for my room before realising small boards are stupid becoz if you are doodling, you have to keep erasing them off, and that's not the point of doodling. Doodling freaking gives you ideas. You don't wanna erase your ideas off a board, especially not when it's already out of subconscious which means, the chances of you delivering it out consciously ... would be harder, if not more painful, than labour. NOT that i have any experience in that sense.

Oh, for the perils of the board, and the people who look awesomely cool writing desperately important stuff on it. *swoons* well, as long as they are not boring, of course... haha... i'm not making any sense anymore.

as usual, when i stop making sense, i stop writing, though my friend holds this believe that that point is moot, because apparently, if that principle were to be true, i should NEVER write. Ah, what's life if I'm not pulling her pigtails,or braids, huh? :))

~singing off with a dilemma on what to do with the 2 buttons that left the rest. any thoughts?~

the secret ......

you wanna know why is it that life is wonderful?
it's coz you're in it...
it's coz of everyone else that you know who's in it
it's coz of ppl you know but hate and thus make you appreciate ppl you love
and it's coz of the rest of the world you're oblivious to that makes the ppl you know stand out like shining stars
if there is no dark sky, when can we ever enjoy the stars without the blazing heat
i mean, imagine like millions of stars as close t earth as planet. physically impossible as it is, if you do assume that such a condition can exist without making us extinct... it would be like insufferably hot.... which i do not think is.... nice.....

okay, so maybe i'm not making sense, but i'm writing this like in the middle of nowhere, like worse off nowhere compared to my other entries and it's like, when i'm supposed to be sleeping.
SO why am I writing instead of sleeping? because i can (:

simple right? maybe that's the point... i mean, i don't have to be a weatherman to know that the sky is blue right? i mean, okay.... i need to have like the basic concepts of colours, be non-blind or non-colour-blind.. and must not be blinded by all the hypothetical so-close-to-earth-stars i just made up.....

you know what? i'm downgrading my own writing to mere ridicule that would cause even me to view it with contempt, and so i'm signing off. NOW.

and why am i okay with being subjected to ridicule?
because when someone's waiting, you don't keep them that way for long....
especially not YOU :)

and the secret? well, there's nothing much, really, if you can't look past the previous lines .... :/

It's been long, huh?

Okay, so i haven't blogged, in like ages....
honestly i don't even know why.... mayb coz there are other stuff to be done, maybe coz my priorities aren't set straight... but a few das ago, perhaps later than necessary, i realised, i NEED to blog :S

i mean, it's not about what, you say, it's not even about how you say it, it's just about.. letting it all flow out... it's taking a step back from thinking, instead of knowing what you are saying, letting the subconscious simply take hold of the fingers, with no mind or any other form of ego come into place.

It's about getting to know the real you.......

Or maybe, it's just to crap all the bullshit out of you, so that when you go to school the next day, the brain's not as fuzzy as fuzzy wuzzy and his likes and dislikes, but instead as clear as crystals, empty enough to let anything and everything flow through you, capturing what is vital for you to shine and sparkle and well, be yourself, while letting the grime and the dirt, pass on, leaving you not just unscathed, but refined as well.

(yes, if GP's not letting me write lame stuff on the exam paper, i'm just gonna have to find another outlet, now don't i? (: )

So I just came back from camp, and besides being astounded by my lack of activeness ( okay, maybe not astounded, i mean, i don't even run a LITTLE till i came to Singapore, and my best distance has always been 2.4km) , it was a calling... one i am hoping i have to guts to respond to... but other than that, i owe it all to my friends and the seniors for being awesome, understanding, and showing me who i can be, given the chance. Enjoyed all the jungle walks ( yeah, it reminded me so much of Malaysia i was actually more fond of it than anything, NOT that i'm saying M'sia is hulu, it's just more preserved, and you can literally feel the cells soaking up O2 after that long run, so awesome timing, seniors :)) ) and the sea trainings :)

Yeah, okay, exhausted as hell wif loadsa hw to be done within the next 5 hours ( yeah, i still sleep at 10, problem? ) but i can't stop smiling. because the hardship was worth it. was worth EVERYTHING.

Mushyness aside, i think i heard from somewhere Osama is dead, have no idea if it's true, but i am hoping so... for then loadsa people will begin to sleep well again.

and i think that's it for today, for i have laundry to collect, prep for PT and lessons 2moro, and most importantly.... Cookie Crisp to school :D

~ The greatest mistake ever made by men is being afraid to make one ~

P.S. You disappointed me that day, after so long of always being there for me and I only hope you had a jolly good reason for it. If you aren't there 2moro, guess we both know what that means :(

Thoughts that breed insomnia in dreams....

Today i blog after a million years because today i have to say this...

Have you ever denied a child a lollipop because it's bad for her teeth? A toy because she shouldn't be spoiled? Then you may have hurt the child for a moment, but five minutes later, she's moved on, oblivious to what had happened before and unabashed by what may or may not happen later. You did the right thing, she is healthier - probably going to frequent the dentist less - and basically life goes on as if that 15-minute struggle that made you blush and glance around at all the onlookers in front of the candy store never occurred.

But what happens now, when we're at this tender age - and believe me, i think it's going to be very tender for the next fifty years - when forgetting isn't the norm? When every single deed you've done is scrutinized by people who are critical about every single thing you do, and then balanced on either side of an extremely accurate scale, beating the ones used to measure atoms. Things are certainly not going to be as smooth or easy, but how far does it go? How much does it adversely affect the people around you? Recuperation time is vital, but what comes primitively to most people is to reenact it in memory, like peeling a laceration wound over and over again. Worse still, if the prosecutor is the one, pretending to be a healer, peels it off, unknowingly, without any intention to hurt...

Because though not be seen, felt or heard, hurting another hurts your soul more than ever, that split-second moment when your heart's at the brink of just satisfying the person's want, and then chooses to instead pave a new road, trailing a more treacherous path, just to ensure that the journey for the other is better after a while. Why else do you think it's easier to advice your colleague then your best friend? For an acquaintance is just another person who fleets in and out your life, and while you try your best to help, they are not going to feel that hurt. Try hurting a friend. It's worse than you being hurt. It's more like..., injecting camphor into your bloodstream slowly. You get fits at the beginning, then you feel the slow excruciating pain, and just when you think you're going to be fine, the dosage is iincreased.

Yet the soul's better off scratched than ripped, for that's what happens when it's taken to too far an extent. That's like being shot in the head, no chance of survival at all. With the former, all you need is for the person to see logic. So does that mean it's okay for you to continuously hurt yourself if it puts another in a better state, although their hatred towards you is more tarnishing than all the hurt you've ever felt?

Oh, and if you think maybe it's for the greater good, and you're being all noble and everything, think again. Maybe you are being one, maybe it is good to comfort yourself that way, but is it not that the moment that thought crosses your mind, the second it's flashing there like blinding neon lights, you're finding an alternative way to feed your ego. Being the self-sacrificial person for the sake of getting to be known as one, anonymously announcing it through chance, it is so not selfless.

From a cynical point of view, even if all that didn't cross your mind and you are that innocent gullible person you claim not to be, it is still not selfless, for it is done to make that person - that person you're willing to give a part of you to - happy, which in turn makes you happy. SO behind all that hurt, is happiness in its purest form, a divine love like no other, and following the argument that love trumps hate at all cost, doesn't that mean that the hurt is thwarted by the glorious joy, thus perhaps the only person hurt is that person..........

And people say life is not a paradox.....

grateful....

i did the hardest thing i could possibly do today...
been building up to it for a few day....
feels like crap, but sometimes you just have to do the right thing..
i really did the worst thing a person could do, and half of it wasn't even true..
but what has to be done, has to be done, right?

so i looked up to the sky, where hopefully hearts were sent to be healed...
and guess what, i realised something....
nothing can be so bad when you have really caring friends around you,
in life or in facebook....

for someone who believes in words, theirs did a lot to bring me up,
although they weren't aware of what's happening...
guess that's why wthey're so special....
no reasons needed....

haizz.... rite now, i'm thankful for every person in this whole wide world....
my friends for making my life what it is,
and the people i don't know for being the reason my friends are more precious than anything....

don't get me wrong, not like it's bad, it's just you noe, yin and yang
balance
blah blah blah....

nywayz... SPA , 3 of them these two days, so i guess gotta really prepare...