From the traveler's eyes...

...

He wonders what it means to drown in your own tears. 

Is it when you cry so much you start gasping for air? Is it when your tears pour endlessly till you fill the proverbial buckets to the brim?

Or is it when the soul in your eyes drown with the copious amounts of tears that never quite managed to trickle down, to the point that a part of you, that very soul, says goodbye to the world as you used to know it? 

He wonders wanders on...

...

Memories

~ Don't. Just don't. There's more bees than honey in that hive. ~

 Looking at all the photo albums in the house, I can't help but wonder why I rarely ever take photos. They bring back so much memories, good and bad. The sucky part is that I don't have normal photos. At all. Apparently someone thought me back then to act crazy every time I see a camera lens pointed at me... There goes my proof of normalcy... 

But then again, maybe I should scan everything into my computer. That way, I'll have something else forever etched into my hard drive in case I want a reminiscing smile on my face. 

On a different note, since I'm writing this early in the morning (Yes, this is early for me. Deal with it.) instead of the usual night time, what I am writing now may or may not have to do with the day. Right. 

Shucks. I think I just melted plastic. 

And there was power outage yesterday. Well, technically today, at freakin 2.34am. At least that's when I woke up. But I'd like to think I woke up instantaneously because when I went down, my dad was still meddling with that power box thingy that you check whenever the circuit trips. I just found out they changed the box sometime within the last 4 years. And they didn't even tell me! And to think my dad didn't know the TNB Hotline is 24/7. It was funny. (: And sweet considering despite all that, he was still more focused on getting me to sleep for the journey today... 

Which brings me to my Canadian Wheat bread (healthy, I know) topped with a generous (to say the least) amount of chocolate, cashews and brown sugar (okay, maybe not healthy)... 

Gotta nomnom.

Tell you what, why don't I just write a super long post tomorrow to compensate for this one. 

P.S. Happy Birthday (: 

You play a sad song, yea sing it from the heart
Tell a sad story, yea tell it from the start
Pass me on the pain that you made into art
Yea, piercin' through my skin like a heroin dart

I'll wait up for you (:

~Take it to the good times 

See it through the bad times 

Whatever it takes is what I'm gonna do. 

Too many songs. 

Too many questions. 

They say the best questions are those of which answers you'd never dare hear. 

I have a few of those, because I know the questions, but no matter how many scenarios I run in my head, I have no idea what I'd do in any of those. 

Apparently I'm incorrigible

Off to KL tomorrow :D 

Long drive ahead, but I like long drives in cars, especially since I'm not the one driving. It's peaceful. It's empty. So you are free to fill it in with any and all thoughts. Plus, it's a good break from all this connectivity. Maybe I'll even turn off my phone and curl up with a good book. Then again, maybe not. My phone'll just throw a tantrum if I did. Tsk tsk. 

~ Or you're driving round on a sunny day

And out of nowhere comes the pouring rain

Then a memory hits you right out of the blue

That's just me, thinking of you 

A brief reprieve...

~ The reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once ~

Ah, the clinic today was fun. All those little kids grabbing on to your fingers, and all those cute smiles. If I were a guy, people would be predicting a long journey into pedo-ism in the future for me. And I don't care if that's a word. Running a fever that's showing no signs of getting better, and I spent the whole day doing one thing or the other. I am gonna use whatever words that has gotten the approval of my now-delirious brain. Assholic or not. (Screw those red squiggly lines, just for the day)

Yup, 5 bites the time it took me to write that paragraph. Are ants developing a taste for human flesh now? Ooh, young kids going all shy on you, then peeking from behind their mothers to see if you're still there. Ok, it was quite heartbreaking hearing them cry, but that only lasted a while, and it is for them to get better (:

Ok, that guy in your brain that controls where your thoughts go? That guy is currently drop-dead drunk and is jumping from the parallel universes in my head. My apologies. Antihistamine's are no good for rational thought flow. Probably worse than getting drunk. Unless you're really super drunk. Like downing 3 AK-47 after 4 long islands. 

Like McFlurry's raspberry dazzle that never tempted me before is like a forbidden fruit now that I should logically be keeping away from it. Another 3 bites. And I don't know why that sentence started with a like. 

I'm stopping. Because me being crazy should not be on paper. Hopefully tomorrow my brain'll work and then there'll hopefully be a good piece. Haven't had one in ages. 

Oh, and from tomorrow onwards, the stories can be true, partially true, or fake. It's time to venture into fiction, and putting up a disclaimer each time beforehand is getting a little.... annoying. 

P.S. 18 or 19.....

An outline on a canvas

~ I knew the pathway like the back of my hand.... 

Ever looked at a picture, and all you can think is : damn they look good together? Even if you are in the picture... Some pictures just say that, no matter what. These are things you cannot help... 

Well, that is just a random thought, and sorry, but I did promise to keep this a happy post, so no more somber thoughts. Just, no. But I haven't written for so long that writing a random happy event in my life just seems so... insubstantial. I mean, so what? And I think of all the dreams, all the happenings, all the stories; and they all just seem to personal to be put down in words. At least over here. 

And it feels like infringing on someone else's privacy to pen down the stories I have heard. And man, for some reason everyone around me has a happening, interesting life. Me? The most interesting thing that happened to me today was that I found out the presence of a Nasi Kandar store in a LORRY that is claimed to taste better than Pelita itself. And I say claimed because I only heard. I didn't actually try it out, see. 

Like I said, I lead an extremely interesting life -.-

But complaints aside, I guess it's up to me to make my life interesting, eh? Why should I wait for someone else to make it so? If it is true that we are a mere outline on a blank piece of paper, then I think we damn well make sure that by the time we die, the proverbial printer has to keep re-magnifying our paper, because an A4 sheet just won't do. 

Maybe I chose a sucky resolution. Keeping to a once-daily blogpost is hardly interesting if you refuse to share all the interesting parts of your life. And I'm keeping away from writing reviews, factual pieces and stuff like that, because frankly, to say I'm a lazy person is like saying.... Nutella is nice. The understatement of the year. But a word's a word, and I don't wanna screw up the rest of the months because March didn't go well. 

So... Interesting things? Nah. Nothing much. Things I learnt today? Americans are more 575 times more likely to die from committing suicide than from a terrorist attack apparently. Not that I'm making light of either. And doctors in Mississippi found a cure for HIV. More like they managed to cure it, though they are not sure how. Much like Einstein figuring out gravity, or Watson with DNA. Or maybe not. What would I know?

Owh, and heard the best news interview on Euronews regarding the retirement of the Pope. One guy went like : "I think times like this, people don't need a leader to teach them how to pray. They are all praying themselves. *laughs* God is up there, God listens". I am not commenting here on there necessity of a Pope, more on the fact that this was the one guy that was thinking : This is not the only problem in the world people. These are uncertain times for a lot other reasons....

And accepting the fact that more people than ever turn to religion in times of trouble. 

Astute I would say, even if it may not be totally on the topic. 

And..... been keeping my fever on the low past two days. Plus the walk today made me realise how unfit I've gotten. I guess it's time to... Ooh, is that Peanut Butter? *.* 

P.S. We'll get to the crux of that picture (and who I saw in it) some other time. *Scoops Peanut Butter*

... But you laid your hands on mine, and now every path is a brand new journey ~  

Wherefore art thou?

~ Happy endings happen all the time (Lee Brice)

You see, the best ideas come when you least expect them to. And mark my words, pen them down, or you'll regret it in about an hour, and then forget to regret that decision (or lack thereof) a year from that moment.

But this? This is just going to be one of those ramblings of a chaotic mind, one that is filled with hypotheticals and questions, and wait, did I mention hypotheticals? 

You see, in a world where it takes ages to figure out who you are, who you want to be, and why you want to be who you want to be (assuming you do want to have a reason to be), it's hard to figure out why people are who they are as well. Me, I don't know why the stranger smiled across the mall, why an avid texter stopped texting, or why he smiled when I called him a retard. I was being sincere, believe you me. 

Sure, I can assume, and I can make presumptions based on what I already know (or in some cases, will get to know) of these people; but I'll never know how true these ideas are. Even if it is confirmed by said person, how am I to know it is not just a front? The preconceived notion is that truth is like a printed text, and lies a fluorescent highlighter. In the beginning lost in an array of information, but any attempt to hide it will just attract attention towards it. But what if the entire page is in an anagram? A code? Or what if it's the footnotes that are highlighted? 

A mask on a mask on a mask on a mask. That seems to be most of life these days. Even to the most trained of eyes, not all masks are transparent. 

But what if? What if shows like Lie To Me has it pegged down? What if there really is a science? What if we can all read people as well as we read books? Will we just ignore what someone really is about (with the same nonchalance that we treat books with) or will we choose to peruse to our hearts' content? Is it even a good idea to know people that well? What then happens to the mystery of life? What happens to privacy? Would this just push people to embrace uniqueness or will it result in pervasive homogeneity in today's society? 

I don't have the answers. How can I, when I don't even know if these are the right questions. Is there even such a thing as a right question? (No, that is not a stupid question. At least, I hope not.... >.<)

Scrambled brains thanks to sleep. Ironically, slept because I was so tired I couldn't think.... 

On a happier note, maybe from tomorrow the posts will be lighter. Writing these stuff makes me think. And I (capitalised both because it is grammatically correct to do so and for the emphasis :D) should not be thinking.   My brain's too busy zoning out, thank you very much. 

P.S. I miss walking around aimlessly in Singapore. I probably look like a creepy stalker doing it here. As people repeatedly remind me, I'm at an age where all secondary school kids call me "big sister", and you have no idea how weird that feels. Especially when I'm so used to being the younger one wherever I go around here. But that's years ago and it's time to grow old. (And I used old because I don't think I will ever grow up... Denials of a 19-year-old)

~ Because you made me wonder why you are who you are, and why you treat me the way you do, even if I may never find the answer.... 

For this post, I redefine time

Because the internet in my house decided to screw me over on the second day of my resolution.

But today the post will not be long, it's just a plain confession that I can barely voice out.

I miss school. Not just the friends part, not just the hooligan-ing part, not even the awesome hecticness where you just go back to the hostel and die on the bed.

I miss the learning of new things. So I shall keep this one thing short and go back to just that. Regardless of the fact that it is nearly 2am.

Kbai (: