But we need bridges.

Life is fragile. Love is fragile, but above them all; humans are the most fragile. Because we try too hard to think and feel, and make sense of the chaos that surrounds us. And the fact is, nothing did, nothing does, and nothing ever will... 

Just a musing. Because certain things can't be said out loud. Not here...

But we know strength in the face of weakness, and we know purpose when we are the most vulnerable; so maybe being all this fragile is a good thing. Maybe fragility is why we belong in this world as a unit; also why we are so scared to build bridges instead of walls.

Today, tomorrow, or forever?

...

If you want a happy ending, it depends on where you stop the story

...

Talk about our future, like we had a clue... (:

~~~When a new moon shines through your window, and you hear a sad song through the radio.. 

Today I decided to Italicize the entire post, because let's all face it; life's a lot like that. More often than not, we have to tilt our head, gain a new perspective, before starting to choose one out of the morass of paths leading out. 

The simple life looks, the more complicated it seems to be. But to look at it from another angle, there is no such thing as complications, just fun, laughter, happiness, tears and everything else. Independent of each other. Interlinked, maybe, but independent. How is that even possible, you may wonder. Well, this post here, is not to give you the answers. This post is here just to say, to muse, that yes indeed, you are probably not the only one wondering. A lot of people are. 

P.S. Everything that I wanted to write, everything I did type, and everything I don't feel like publishing today; these things will be up tomorrow. Because that's where all our hopes lie. In tomorrows (: 

~ Tell someone you love them today, because life is short. But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing (9gag) ~

From the traveler's eyes...

...

He wonders what it means to drown in your own tears. 

Is it when you cry so much you start gasping for air? Is it when your tears pour endlessly till you fill the proverbial buckets to the brim?

Or is it when the soul in your eyes drown with the copious amounts of tears that never quite managed to trickle down, to the point that a part of you, that very soul, says goodbye to the world as you used to know it? 

He wonders wanders on...

...

Memories

~ Don't. Just don't. There's more bees than honey in that hive. ~

 Looking at all the photo albums in the house, I can't help but wonder why I rarely ever take photos. They bring back so much memories, good and bad. The sucky part is that I don't have normal photos. At all. Apparently someone thought me back then to act crazy every time I see a camera lens pointed at me... There goes my proof of normalcy... 

But then again, maybe I should scan everything into my computer. That way, I'll have something else forever etched into my hard drive in case I want a reminiscing smile on my face. 

On a different note, since I'm writing this early in the morning (Yes, this is early for me. Deal with it.) instead of the usual night time, what I am writing now may or may not have to do with the day. Right. 

Shucks. I think I just melted plastic. 

And there was power outage yesterday. Well, technically today, at freakin 2.34am. At least that's when I woke up. But I'd like to think I woke up instantaneously because when I went down, my dad was still meddling with that power box thingy that you check whenever the circuit trips. I just found out they changed the box sometime within the last 4 years. And they didn't even tell me! And to think my dad didn't know the TNB Hotline is 24/7. It was funny. (: And sweet considering despite all that, he was still more focused on getting me to sleep for the journey today... 

Which brings me to my Canadian Wheat bread (healthy, I know) topped with a generous (to say the least) amount of chocolate, cashews and brown sugar (okay, maybe not healthy)... 

Gotta nomnom.

Tell you what, why don't I just write a super long post tomorrow to compensate for this one. 

P.S. Happy Birthday (: 

You play a sad song, yea sing it from the heart
Tell a sad story, yea tell it from the start
Pass me on the pain that you made into art
Yea, piercin' through my skin like a heroin dart

I'll wait up for you (:

~Take it to the good times 

See it through the bad times 

Whatever it takes is what I'm gonna do. 

Too many songs. 

Too many questions. 

They say the best questions are those of which answers you'd never dare hear. 

I have a few of those, because I know the questions, but no matter how many scenarios I run in my head, I have no idea what I'd do in any of those. 

Apparently I'm incorrigible

Off to KL tomorrow :D 

Long drive ahead, but I like long drives in cars, especially since I'm not the one driving. It's peaceful. It's empty. So you are free to fill it in with any and all thoughts. Plus, it's a good break from all this connectivity. Maybe I'll even turn off my phone and curl up with a good book. Then again, maybe not. My phone'll just throw a tantrum if I did. Tsk tsk. 

~ Or you're driving round on a sunny day

And out of nowhere comes the pouring rain

Then a memory hits you right out of the blue

That's just me, thinking of you 

A brief reprieve...

~ The reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once ~

Ah, the clinic today was fun. All those little kids grabbing on to your fingers, and all those cute smiles. If I were a guy, people would be predicting a long journey into pedo-ism in the future for me. And I don't care if that's a word. Running a fever that's showing no signs of getting better, and I spent the whole day doing one thing or the other. I am gonna use whatever words that has gotten the approval of my now-delirious brain. Assholic or not. (Screw those red squiggly lines, just for the day)

Yup, 5 bites the time it took me to write that paragraph. Are ants developing a taste for human flesh now? Ooh, young kids going all shy on you, then peeking from behind their mothers to see if you're still there. Ok, it was quite heartbreaking hearing them cry, but that only lasted a while, and it is for them to get better (:

Ok, that guy in your brain that controls where your thoughts go? That guy is currently drop-dead drunk and is jumping from the parallel universes in my head. My apologies. Antihistamine's are no good for rational thought flow. Probably worse than getting drunk. Unless you're really super drunk. Like downing 3 AK-47 after 4 long islands. 

Like McFlurry's raspberry dazzle that never tempted me before is like a forbidden fruit now that I should logically be keeping away from it. Another 3 bites. And I don't know why that sentence started with a like. 

I'm stopping. Because me being crazy should not be on paper. Hopefully tomorrow my brain'll work and then there'll hopefully be a good piece. Haven't had one in ages. 

Oh, and from tomorrow onwards, the stories can be true, partially true, or fake. It's time to venture into fiction, and putting up a disclaimer each time beforehand is getting a little.... annoying. 

P.S. 18 or 19.....

An outline on a canvas

~ I knew the pathway like the back of my hand.... 

Ever looked at a picture, and all you can think is : damn they look good together? Even if you are in the picture... Some pictures just say that, no matter what. These are things you cannot help... 

Well, that is just a random thought, and sorry, but I did promise to keep this a happy post, so no more somber thoughts. Just, no. But I haven't written for so long that writing a random happy event in my life just seems so... insubstantial. I mean, so what? And I think of all the dreams, all the happenings, all the stories; and they all just seem to personal to be put down in words. At least over here. 

And it feels like infringing on someone else's privacy to pen down the stories I have heard. And man, for some reason everyone around me has a happening, interesting life. Me? The most interesting thing that happened to me today was that I found out the presence of a Nasi Kandar store in a LORRY that is claimed to taste better than Pelita itself. And I say claimed because I only heard. I didn't actually try it out, see. 

Like I said, I lead an extremely interesting life -.-

But complaints aside, I guess it's up to me to make my life interesting, eh? Why should I wait for someone else to make it so? If it is true that we are a mere outline on a blank piece of paper, then I think we damn well make sure that by the time we die, the proverbial printer has to keep re-magnifying our paper, because an A4 sheet just won't do. 

Maybe I chose a sucky resolution. Keeping to a once-daily blogpost is hardly interesting if you refuse to share all the interesting parts of your life. And I'm keeping away from writing reviews, factual pieces and stuff like that, because frankly, to say I'm a lazy person is like saying.... Nutella is nice. The understatement of the year. But a word's a word, and I don't wanna screw up the rest of the months because March didn't go well. 

So... Interesting things? Nah. Nothing much. Things I learnt today? Americans are more 575 times more likely to die from committing suicide than from a terrorist attack apparently. Not that I'm making light of either. And doctors in Mississippi found a cure for HIV. More like they managed to cure it, though they are not sure how. Much like Einstein figuring out gravity, or Watson with DNA. Or maybe not. What would I know?

Owh, and heard the best news interview on Euronews regarding the retirement of the Pope. One guy went like : "I think times like this, people don't need a leader to teach them how to pray. They are all praying themselves. *laughs* God is up there, God listens". I am not commenting here on there necessity of a Pope, more on the fact that this was the one guy that was thinking : This is not the only problem in the world people. These are uncertain times for a lot other reasons....

And accepting the fact that more people than ever turn to religion in times of trouble. 

Astute I would say, even if it may not be totally on the topic. 

And..... been keeping my fever on the low past two days. Plus the walk today made me realise how unfit I've gotten. I guess it's time to... Ooh, is that Peanut Butter? *.* 

P.S. We'll get to the crux of that picture (and who I saw in it) some other time. *Scoops Peanut Butter*

... But you laid your hands on mine, and now every path is a brand new journey ~  

Wherefore art thou?

~ Happy endings happen all the time (Lee Brice)

You see, the best ideas come when you least expect them to. And mark my words, pen them down, or you'll regret it in about an hour, and then forget to regret that decision (or lack thereof) a year from that moment.

But this? This is just going to be one of those ramblings of a chaotic mind, one that is filled with hypotheticals and questions, and wait, did I mention hypotheticals? 

You see, in a world where it takes ages to figure out who you are, who you want to be, and why you want to be who you want to be (assuming you do want to have a reason to be), it's hard to figure out why people are who they are as well. Me, I don't know why the stranger smiled across the mall, why an avid texter stopped texting, or why he smiled when I called him a retard. I was being sincere, believe you me. 

Sure, I can assume, and I can make presumptions based on what I already know (or in some cases, will get to know) of these people; but I'll never know how true these ideas are. Even if it is confirmed by said person, how am I to know it is not just a front? The preconceived notion is that truth is like a printed text, and lies a fluorescent highlighter. In the beginning lost in an array of information, but any attempt to hide it will just attract attention towards it. But what if the entire page is in an anagram? A code? Or what if it's the footnotes that are highlighted? 

A mask on a mask on a mask on a mask. That seems to be most of life these days. Even to the most trained of eyes, not all masks are transparent. 

But what if? What if shows like Lie To Me has it pegged down? What if there really is a science? What if we can all read people as well as we read books? Will we just ignore what someone really is about (with the same nonchalance that we treat books with) or will we choose to peruse to our hearts' content? Is it even a good idea to know people that well? What then happens to the mystery of life? What happens to privacy? Would this just push people to embrace uniqueness or will it result in pervasive homogeneity in today's society? 

I don't have the answers. How can I, when I don't even know if these are the right questions. Is there even such a thing as a right question? (No, that is not a stupid question. At least, I hope not.... >.<)

Scrambled brains thanks to sleep. Ironically, slept because I was so tired I couldn't think.... 

On a happier note, maybe from tomorrow the posts will be lighter. Writing these stuff makes me think. And I (capitalised both because it is grammatically correct to do so and for the emphasis :D) should not be thinking.   My brain's too busy zoning out, thank you very much. 

P.S. I miss walking around aimlessly in Singapore. I probably look like a creepy stalker doing it here. As people repeatedly remind me, I'm at an age where all secondary school kids call me "big sister", and you have no idea how weird that feels. Especially when I'm so used to being the younger one wherever I go around here. But that's years ago and it's time to grow old. (And I used old because I don't think I will ever grow up... Denials of a 19-year-old)

~ Because you made me wonder why you are who you are, and why you treat me the way you do, even if I may never find the answer.... 

For this post, I redefine time

Because the internet in my house decided to screw me over on the second day of my resolution.

But today the post will not be long, it's just a plain confession that I can barely voice out.

I miss school. Not just the friends part, not just the hooligan-ing part, not even the awesome hecticness where you just go back to the hostel and die on the bed.

I miss the learning of new things. So I shall keep this one thing short and go back to just that. Regardless of the fact that it is nearly 2am.

Kbai (:

To the middle of the middle of the middle

"It's goodbye, but we lean towards the next crazy venture beneath the sky".

I don't have any pretty way to start this particular post, actually I haven't written in so long that writing this feels awkward. But it also feels right. So I'll just go out and say it, THANK YOU. 

I received my A level results today, and lets face it, it's not all that good. But what I received is probably more than I'll ever deserve, and definitely impossible if not for everyone around me. And because I don't have the guts to post it as a status, I'll just use this (regardless of this ending up in Facebook as well) because I have to say something. I'd also like to come out and confess right now that this is partially the post that I had for graduation and never dared post. Because I haven't yet made my peace with goodbyes. 

In no particular order, because my brain never works with order, I'd like to thank my beloved friends and family that have been there for me through thick and thin in the journey that is A levels. Honestly, two months from now, I'll forget this feeling when I look back at my results. Hell, I'll give two weeks for that, because honestly even now I have no idea what I'm feeling. And in two years, the results won't matter. No matter how good or how bad. It just won't. Because life has bigger plans for us, and definitely much more interesting than the mere existential nature we had as school students in a system. 

But I'll never forget those glorious moments in the past two years. From the devil may care outings to the quiet moments where you feel..... satisfied. Just pure satisfaction of knowing. So I don't know if I can verbalise all of it, much less put in any particular list, but I'm going to try. Because it's a memory worth reading when I look back ages from now, and it's a memory that'll never fail to put a smile on my face. 

So (and if you have a cup, glass, mug or something beside you, you are invited to lift in a toast, though I feel obliged to point out that the "toast" will go on for quite some time)...

Here's to my classmates that I'll never forget. For accepting the weirdness (to put it mildly) that I come with. For encouraging me to study even if you're slacking your asses off. For being completely jaw-droppingly honest about everything. The conversations we had (and are still having) is something I will always cherish for more randomness sluiced together I will never find anywhere else. For choosing to work together. For all the stomachaches I've had due to the retarded laughs. For the Dominoes-Deepavali and the Free-Food-Fiesta and things I'll never dare reveal here. 

And for being a family. If friendship is an involuntary reflex, this one I wouldn't mind getting knocked on the knee for. Repeatedly.

To my seniors that are always there to give an encouraging word. Those weird nicknames we gave random people were priceless. For all the surprise visits, for all the crazy basketball matches, and for all the laughs behind which you guys are the reason. For the retarded stories, for the sobering stories and for the stories in the making. Some of you I've known for really long, some for not so much, but the thought of you guys are enough to make me smile. Uni's jam-packed and busy, but here's to all the times we talked despite that. They say respect those that find time in their schedule for you, but love those who never have to look at their schedule. Here's to facing the storm of uni next year together. (: 

And to James Franco, for always being there. 

To HC, we had some of the most wicked times together. Work hard, play harder, eh? Joining HC was one of the best things ever, and people like you guys, can never be forgotten. Despite all the work, we managed to pull through, so kudos. Thanks for all the shoulder lent when needed. The world is your oyster, so let's go put that in a really good restaurant and run a kick-ass life :) 

To my friends, in Singapore and in Penang - you guys are the best thing that happened to me. Oh, retarded for sure, but my kinda retarded. From the clairvoyants who can figure out my mood from a single text, to the owls that stay up when I have assignments to finish. You guys may be miles away, but it's always nice to know that there is someone out there that is that understanding. And of course, to the nutbags that are willing to wake up at as early as 4am to check if I'm up just because I let it slip that I'll be trying to wake up to get some stuff done. They say napping for an hour at 3am and getting back up to finish the work is never going to happen. With you guys around, it's more than possible. (: 

Let's not forget the awesome movie buddies that are always willing to go catch a movie with you, even if they've watched it a couple of times. Those who are up to anything and will come meet you at a moment's notice. Friends who despite living far will meet up with you for a cup of coffee whenever possible. Crazy morning people that wake up at 6am for Macs or a walk in ECP. Friends you can have a conversation with without uttering a single word.

And the kingdom. If all kingdoms were like ours, I doubt the existence of any kingdoms in the past. 

And people who, despite ages of not meeting up, are able to convince you that sometimes, things don't have to change. 

To my juniors, who stay lovable despite all the bullying you extended out to me :P. College is a lot of work, but a lot more fun. Find your pace, find your niche, and you're on the path to finding yourself. That journey may not end anytime soon, and it's gonna be one hell of a ride, but it is totally going to be worth it. When life flashes in front of your eyes one day, make sure you have one hell of a movie to watch. 

I cannot possibly end this without a special shout-out to my beloved roommate who was forced to put up with all my shenanigans for not two, but four years. You're an awesome person, and my journey in Singapore would have been a lot different without you. We're definitely not cut out of the same page, much less the same book, or even the same library, but the fact is, we had what we needed to get along, and get along splendidly. We were not the same, but we had our eyes set on about the same direction. Well, figuratively. You know what I mean. (: 

And to all the movies and TV series (yes I thank inanimate objects as well, get used to it) that thought me random lessons at the right time, and for all the avenues you provided me to step back from life a second and reevaluate my life. 

To teachers, who had to put up with that silly conversations we had in class, participate in and finally find a way to put the knowledge through this thick skull. 

Lastly, to my family : for all that and more. 

But this is no end to a book or a chapter, not even remotely. This is just a rest-stop for the rest that is to come.

~Goodbyes mark a change in the status quo, but that does not mean we'll never meet again. Because despite the popular opinion of people being straight lines, we are actually mere squiggles. Till next time then (: