Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Thoughts that breed insomnia in dreams....

Today i blog after a million years because today i have to say this...
Have you ever denied a child a lollipop because it's bad for her teeth? A toy because she shouldn't be spoiled? Then you may have hurt the child for a moment, but five minutes later, she's moved on, oblivious to what had happened before and unabashed by what may or may not happen later. You did the right thing, she is healthier - probably going to frequent the dentist less - and basically life goes on as if that 15-minute struggle that made you blush and glance around at all the onlookers in front of the cCheck Spellingandy store never occurred.
But what happens now, when we're at this tender age - and believe me, i think it's going to be very tender for the next fifty years - when forgetting isn't the norm? When every single deed you've done is scrutinized by people who are critical about every single thing you do, and then balanced on either side of an extremely accurate scale, beating the ones used to measure atoms. Things are certainly not going to be as smooth or easy, but how far does it go? How much does it adversely affect the people around you? Recuperation time is vital, but what comes primitively to most people is to reenact it in memory, like peeling a laceration wound over and over again. Worse still, if the prosecutor is the one, pretending to be a healer, peels it off, unknowingly, without any intention to hurt...
Because though not be seen, felt or heard, hurting another hurts your soul more than ever, that split-second moment when your heart's at the brink of just satisfying the person's want, and then chooses to instead pave a new road, trailing a more treacherous path, just to ensure that the journey for the other is better after a while. Why else do you think it's easier to advice your colleague then your best friend? For an acquaintance is just another person who fleets in and out your life, and while you try your best to help, they are not going to feel that hurt. Try hurting a friend. It's worse than you being hurt. It's more like..., injecting camphor into your bloodstream slowly. You get fits at the beginning, then you feel the slow excruciating pain, and just when you think you're going to be fine, the dosage is iincreased.
Yet the soul's better off scratched than ripped, for that's what happens when it's taken to too far an extent. That's like being shot in the head, no chance of survival at all. With the former, all you need is for the person to see logic. So does that mean it's okay for you to continuously hurt yourself if it puts another in a better state, although their hatred towards you is more tarnishing than all the hurt you've ever felt?
Oh, and if you think maybe it's for the greater good, and you're being all noble and everything, think again. Maybe you are being one, maybe it is good to comfort yourself that way, but is it not that the moment that thought crosses your mind, the second it's flashing there like blinding neon lights, you're finding an alternative way to feed your ego. Being the self-sacrificial person for the sake of getting to be known as one, anonymously announcing it through chance, it is so not selfless.
From a cynical point of view, even if all that didn't cross your mind and you are that innocent gullible person you claim not to be, it is still not selfless, for it is done to make that person - that person you're willing to give a part of you to - happy, which in turn makes you happy. SO behind all that hurt, is happiness in its purest form, a divine love like no other, and following the argument that love trumps hate at all cost, doesn't that mean that the hurt is thwarted by the glorious joy, thus perhaps the only person hurt is that person..........
And people say life is not a paradox.....

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

grateful....

i did the hardest thing i could possibly do today...
been building up to it for a few day....
feels like crap, but sometimes you just have to do the right thing..
i really did the worst thing a person could do, and half of it wasn't even true..
but what has to be done, has to be done, right?

so i looked up to the sky, where hopefully hearts were sent to be healed...
and guess what, i realised something....
nothing can be so bad when you have really caring friends around you,
in life or in facebook....

for someone who believes in words, theirs did a lot to bring me up,
although they weren't aware of what's happening...
guess that's why wthey're so special....
no reasons needed....

haizz.... rite now, i'm thankful for every person in this whole wide world....
my friends for making my life what it is,
and the people i don't know for being the reason my friends are more precious than anything....

don't get me wrong, not like it's bad, it's just you noe, yin and yang
balance
blah blah blah....

nywayz... SPA , 3 of them these two days, so i guess gotta really prepare...

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

MOE leadership camp!!

i know, sounds boring rite? like the one me and hanif wen tot during our standard 5....?
THINK AGAIN!!

It was just as fun as the camp last year 9 (although got no free popcorn, cotton candy an ice-cream and the one i was looking forward the most to meet wasn't there)and then there was more fun coz was the co-faci....

waitt.....



no mood to blog today... tell the story some other time...
too damn lazy dy,... just waitin for my laundry,...
can't even type properly, so that should tell you about my concentation capacity rite now....


nitezz...

Friday, May 21, 2010

reminisce....

was looking through my previous posts... wanna delete some...
then it dawned on me, there really is no point doing that... plus, everytime i read it, there's like a whole new revelation, like
that part never actually existed
until i read those words.... WEIRD, rite?
so many things that i don't remember doing...
so many things that i don't remember feeling...
so many things that i couldn't believe i wrote...
so many things that reminded me of things that i actively scratched out...

maybe deletion isn't a good thing...

maybe blogging does have a reason...

anyway... getting back to present..
captainsball
tonite...
i know the name cracked up both me and my bro.... ^^
then camp tomorrow... dunno whether photos will be taken

but you wanna know a little secret? i like typing in my blog... coz i know it's not really viewed... can be a good thing, you know...

helps at a few levels :-
1) strengthens my typing skills
2) keeps memories alive (no harddrive crashing, books burning can erase it)
3) makes me reflect on my thoughts...
4) helps me pretend to care about perspectives..
5) allows me to laugh at myself ^^

so, the less ppl see it, the better... which is like so opposite what blogs are for, but who cares... not like i'm
non-opposite
most of the time...
oh, and sanguine,ingratiating thing that i used to use for my msn... just realised
how wrong that sounds
...

haha ^^ yup... my brain is wired inversely...

oh ,and this awesome quote from juno
by juno's stepmom : doctors are sadists who like to play god and watch lesser people scream..

not that i believe in it... just the way she said it, straight face and so damn impromptu... it's unbelievable....
nywayzz.. gtg !!

P.S. waiting for you, though you may not know it...

Thursday, May 20, 2010

nothing much to say....

what's the point of haning your timetable on your table if 2 hours later, you have not started on any of the homework you have to hand in the next day...?

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Realisation...

found out the funniest thing today...
if i write while i'm half-dead, even i can't read my handwriting....

haizz...
and vinita was all like i'm trying to make new code like leonardo da vinci's code.... which was kinda lame, no offense ^^ just that i'm at loggerheads with da vinci for some time now... since last year, actually, but didn't really have an impact on me till a few days ago, goodness know why... but anyway...

oh, her b'day today... had fun... coz cut cake and everything, then like bully her non-stop.. then go emo one corner watch friends... then everyone come oso.... so it's not an emo session anymore apparently... found out her deepest, darkest, secret... (vin, if you're reading this, yes, i AM going to say that like a million times a day ;) )

scriptchecking's over... who the hell cares what the results were... i knew i was gonna screwup anyway... the good thing is, school's gonna be over... bad thing is, that's like another 3 weeks...

camp this week though... hoping to meet someone... suprisingly, the only one who know who that someone is is like in Penang probably sleeping as i type this...
oh, and he just finished his b'day too... ^^

Happy b'day, Lai... i know i've been missing your birthdays but you really are something and i miss those really long daily calls... now it's only like once a week or less... not that fun anymore....

oh, and to hsbmers, good luck for your coming ppt!!! gambateh!! kick some ass.... :D

gotta go... still ttrying to figure out what i wrote.. all done except one sentence and one word in another verse....

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Maybe the ending is the beginning....

So i'm starting blogging again....
iknow... it has been years since i last updated...
cost me a heart from nmarie, and wendy, and a few more...
but guess that's life, huh?

i have like hw piling up right now, butjust felt like starting over
each sheet a fresh beginning, right...
and i really want to change the background of this...
not that i don't lie it...
actually, thanx to wendy, it' more user friendly...
(haven't talked to wendy like really really long, btw...)
miss her loads....
what to do...
you better be there when i come back, kay...
wanna hang out like hell...

nothing much going on, actually...
then again , as my dearest friend pointed out,
(yeah, i have ppl looking over my shoulder as i type this)
i would say that if there is a volcano erupting behind me...
maybe,
maybe not...


just know that mabe there are better things to talk about
than what's happening

if fear is all that we should fear,
then what are we so afraid of,
for fear is only in our heads...

yup! listening to a damn old song by natasha bedingfield
called happy...
ironically, ain't smiling...

anyway, let's see how long this blog lasts...